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Ok, so the subject relates to practically nothing. I don't even know why I wrote it except I couldn't think of anything else. Yeah.....................

Health update first!

Foot is feeling better. I can walk without a limp as long as I'm wearing a boot that supports the ankle. Not as much pain either. It's healing and I'm happy with that!

Wrist is feeling the same or worse. When I take the brace off to do things like shower or chores or whatever, it crunches and pops and locks up CONSTANTLY. You can still see the lump where the tendon and sleeve are. This is not a good sign. Talked to a family member in the medical field. Looks like a minor operation may be in my future. I'm ok with that IF IT FIXES THE DAMN PROBLEM. If it's not a 100% fix, they can kiss my ass and I'll figure something ELSE out.

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Personal life (or lack of)!

I think I quickly drifted back to my previous state of "I don't trust people." I mean, I've got PLENTY of data to support this "theory." I keep thinking of Randy "The Ram" from The Wrestler. "I only get hurt out here." Yeah, I think that's me. I know pain is part of the discovery and it's part of life. The problem is that no matter how hard I try to FIX it or try new things, the same crap happens. EVERY....FUCKING....TIME.

What's that they say about insanity? Apparently, I can haz it. Yes. Right.

It's much safer and calmer at home. I'll still go out occasionally but I think I'm done with people pretty much. I felt a part of me just shut down. It's done and I'm ok with that. I, of course, won't rule out the future because I don't know what it holds for me but I DO know what the immediate future is.

The TL;DR of that is - "Stick a fork in me, I'm DONE."

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Werk, werk, werk

Something need doing? (For my fellow Hordies out there.)

Busy busy busy. End of the year crap has ambushed us. We're overloaded PLUS I seem to be doing stuff at home. BLARGH! Busy time HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

About the home stuff. My O'scope is about to DIE! Anybody got a O'Scope they want to sell? *looks around* Yeah, didn't think so but was worth asking.

Really not much to do yet with the secret home project. We have to wait for approval from the DoD then the background checks, etc before we even really start up. I'm sort of in a holding pattern but I've got TONS of papers to read and schematics to pour through and some board houses to qualify their work.

Sounds EXCITING! *die*

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Game

FOR THE............PIE!

The seasonal event is upon us. It's a WoW themed Thanksgiving with a TON of quests where you have to cook and travel all over the damn place. I've got everything done pretty much except the "Put on silly costume and go to enemy cities and sit at their table and get SLAUGHTERED." *sigh* That'll be fun. NOT!

Bartelby is now grinding out Sons of Hodir, The Oracles, and Knights of the Ebon Blade factions. YAAAY FACTION GRINDS! *headdesk* Yesterday, I did 25/25 dailies. GAH! So much crap to do. I hate the new cooking with having to buy the damn recipes with ribbons! GRRRRRRRR!

Working on my Leatherworking. That's going better than expected. When I do my Hodir dailies, there's usually PILES of dead mammoths around just WAITING for me to skin them. I usually get at least one Arctic Fur. Huzzah!

Bartleby is also sitting on just over 6K gold now. o_O Not sure what to do with it. Probably finance flying for another toon.

Soon, I should be able to acquire my T9 helm. I don't know what to do with my other badges.

I'm also now crushing the meters. In a 10-man, I can hold 4-4.2K DPS. In a 25-man, 4.2-4.4K DPS. Not bad for a BM spec. So far, I've beaten every MM and SV specced hunter I've run with AND they have all out geared me by a GOOD margin. Either I'm REALLY good, or every single hunter I come across sucks. *shrug*

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Not sure what else to put here. I'm in an odd place mentally. I know the feeling. It's the way I felt before this year. Closing it all out. Building the wall. Wrapping the towel over my head and thinking, "If I can't see it, then it can't see me." I feel close to being cornered again. I want to fight. I want to lash out. It's not time yet though. I don't feel threatened enough. Close though......very close.

I'm going to break this pattern. First I'm going to wait to see what all happens health wise. If everything heals up the way I want, I'm changing. Changing back to something I know. I'll drop the gym, continue a good cardio routine by running outside, buy free weights for home, join another quan. I wonder if I could talk W. Wong into teaching me again.

My body feels old and broken. My heart feels ravaged and tired. My brain feels aged and slow. My spirit and will continue to soar. My soul burns like thousand fires. I'll keep going. Not because I want to, because I HAVE to.

It will all be easier if I can teach myself not to care. Then I can be like the rest of em.

My life
A disarray
And I
Fade away

I am down on my knees
Praying beyond belief
The silence deafens my ears
And welds the shackles
Onto my fears

I'm so very appreciative for this year. I made so many changes. Took many chances. I expanded and expounded. It really has been uplifting. I know I've learned more about myself and many people that are close to me. I've made some great changes like my health and had some setbacks. I guess you could say that I've won some and lost some. Good times indeed.

I had a dream last night that I was dying. Ok, I know. We're ALL technically dying. I was the kind of dying that is the "you have two weeks to live" type of dying. I had a cruiser and was driving all over the US visiting family and friends. I was finally seeing America the way I wanted to see it. It was a beautiful dream really. Very tranquil. I woke up deciding that I'm DEFINITELY going to sell my FZ6. I want a cruiser. It more fits me and where my life is anyway.

I think I have a lot more to say but it's all trapped and locked up at the moment. I'm sure I'll have one of my lengthy, rambly posts soon.

If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance.

True story.

Now my calf is hurting from all the damn limping. We at Beta Industries are NOT happy with the present state of body. *sigh* This getting fit thing is killing me! Talking with the Ortho about my foot, we both agreed that it was probably the sprints that did me in. I'm sure I over pronate momentarily when I take off. I should probably add MORE stretching in. I will admit that I recently haven't stretched as much as I probably SHOULD have. Trying to squeeze as much into my lunch workout as possible. In other words, IT'S MY OWN DAMN STUPID FAULT! Ah well. Live, learn, grow.

Wrist FEELS better but still has a LOT of pain and triggering, just not quite as much as before. It still "triggers" when I open my thumb too wide like last night when I was trying to do my dishes. *sigh* I'll have to do my chores in "bursts" I guess. I can't wash the dishes with the stupid brace but I should be able to do about everything else with it on. The heel feels MAYBE just a tiny bit better. I'm not going to the gym until it feels ok. I don't want the added stress to it of me moving around or possibly putting more pressure on it than I have to. Guess I'll take a mini gym vacation.

I thought the next door neighbors were moving out but it appears I may be wrong. There has been no more activity and they are still there. They also seem to have gotten rid of the dog they had for 3 years or so and got a new dog. I'm almost 100% certain that the boy has killed most of their pets. There was 3 kittens and 1 puppy that mysteriously "disappeared" or "got sick and died." Right. Sure. All I'll say is that if I EVER witness him mistreat an animal, get the bail fund and lawyer ready because I will end him.

I have cut out all my extraneous spending. No "bike nights", dinners out, etc, etc. Holidays are coming and the Miata needs some minor'ish repairs and tires. I'm cutting as much out of my budget as possible. (All the medical bills aren't helping. Even with insurance, there's still co-pays and crap.) So, if I'm not out, it's because I have to save. I HAVE to get things done. It's the "adult" thing to do and I just don't make enough money and have too many bills to be out galavanting around. It's not like I'm close to being destitute or anything, just getting the padding back in my accounts.

Operation "SCREW YOU ATLANTA NATURAL GAS" has already started working. I have hung heavy plastic over my windows and back door, effectively sealing off the leaks. (I RTV'ed the windows last year and it helped a teeny bit but not enough.) I turned the heater OFF. I bought a really nice space heater for the room. It gets the entire room "OMG TOASTY" on the lowest setting in about 5 min. Compared my gas bill to last year and it's $30 cheaper. (Of course it's also a bit warmer.) Electric bill is up a WHOPPING $4. We'll see how it all works when the REAL cold starts. I'll be DAMMED if I have a $200+ gas bill again this winter though. Yes, that's right, I had MULTIPLE $200+ gas bills with the thermostat set at like 68 last winter. NEVER AGAIN! It's a frigging condo with JUST ME in it. The jack the price of gas up SO much every winter. I'm trying to save there too.

That's about all I got. It's enough.......aint it?

There are still things in my life that I can not let go of.
Sometimes, they hurt.

Not much new really.

Work is busy. Life is pretty decent. Animals are fine. Etc. Etc.

Still hanging out with new friend. She's fun to talk to and hang out with. Her ex won't talk to her either. I've come to the conclusion that the only way for him to seperate himself was to hate so he picked the target of me and then threw her in as well. It's a shame really because I like him. If I were to post up the conversation we had, you'd all scratch your heads. I did what I had to and reported the whole thing to my "handlers." Ah.....the people I know. They were less than amused.

In WoW, I decided to pop in on my old Hunter and say "hi" to some peoples. It was nice to talk to old friends and realize how much I was missed. I promised my old leader that I'd give my old Hunter a shake down and see how it felt. The game is so different, it's like brand new to me. Of course, I had to take about 2 hours to get all my addons sorted out and bars set up. (Anyone who's ever played knows what I'm talking about.) I then proceeded to a "low level" area and tried to shake the cobwebs out. (I went to Nagrand and picked on Talbuks.) I think the hardest part was NOT having to do a shot rotation anymore. There is no more clipping. Only GCDs. Interesting. Well, Bart hit 75 in short order. (Started JUST inside 71.) He's already up to almost 800g from 18g. (I had given all my gold away to friends. WTH! They give gold away now.) I'll see how it all goes. I did the quest to attack the Undercity last night. That was a HOOT!

Ok, 'nuff WoW rantings.

Looking forward to seeing my mom soonish. That's really about it.

OH!
I saw Paranormal Activity. It was ok. Not great. DEFINITELY not as scary as ANYONE made it out to be. Remember those computer things where you watch the picture looking for something and then the face comes FLYING OUT SCREAMING?!?!!?!?! Yeah, that's the whole damn movie. *shrug*

Ok, I am free to go now.

Work is semi-crazy right now. I'm ok with that as I do better with too much to do than not enough. Lord knows I'm backed up through this year. I've been eligible for a performance bonus EVERY year since I started but there's always a clause that states the company must meet it's financial objectives or I get nothing. (Which I think is utter BULLSHIT. It's a performance bonus based on MY performance, not the company. BAH!) So far this year, we are WELL ahead of our projected. I'm getting my damn bonus! (Or someone will PAY! *according to my boss*)

Werk = Gewd

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A friend from one of my motorcycle forums had expressed interest in going out with me. We discussed this at length. I told her that I'm not sure exactly what I want right now and that I need to take anything very slowly. She was perfectly fine with that. We went out. Her ex contacted me and asked me to take good care of her and that he was happy that if she wanted to go out with anyone that it was me. All good.

Then the guy flipped the fuck out from the middle of nowhere. I'm serious. You wouldn't believe the texts and messages this guy has sent through Facebook. It's seriously nuts. The guy is here from England. I'm REALLY tempted to call a few people I know and wreck his life but GOOD. (I'm not a good person to piss off but people still seem hell bent on doing it.)

I'm chalking this one up again to "I really don't understand people." I understand some people but I guess I'll never understand people trying to put hate on something for no reason.

Needless to say, I won't be going to any bike nights where he may show up. I don't want that hassle. *shrug* I've been trying to reel in my spending anyway.

Personal life = Not too bad. Been better, been worse.

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Reactivated my WoW account. It felt like the thing to do. Started over from scratch. No old friends to power me through. I'm just enjoying the game like I did from the early early times when NOBODY knew ANYONE. So much has changed, it's like a new game anyway.

Mobs don't chase as fast or as long. (Or at least it appears that way.)
Mounts at lvl 20. (Used to be 40.)
Etc. etc.

Hell, I'm leveling an Undead Warlock and at 20, there's a quest to get a summoned Succubus. You have to kill two guys and one of them is a "Flagged" Alliance NPC which means as soon as you attack him, playes from the Alliance faction can WHUP YER HINEY! He's no longer flagged. HEINOUS!

In some ways, the changes are neat. In other ways, I think they water the game down a little. *shrug* I'm just toolin around and having fun. He's quite the money maker with Herbalism/Skinning. Level 20 and sitting on 40+ gold so far. Pimpin aint easy.........

Game = Rekindled funtime

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Everything else = Not so bad.

Is it bad that I didn't even know there was a world series being played? Heh. Never was much into sports.

My pain has a name. It's name is De Quervain's Tenosynovitis! It's most common for new mothers and grandmothers. Commonly triggered by lifting small children under the arms. (Which puts huge strains on the outer tendon for your thumb.) Mine was caused by doing Sumos and Single Blades. Yup, working out broke me again. LOL!

It's apparently pretty common. I have a new brace and I'm to keep taking the Feldene. In a month, I go back to the Ortho. If it's not better, I get a shot of Cortisone. If it's not better after that, surgery. The surgery looks like they just cut the tendon sheath away.

The worst part of my tendonitis is that I was having a lot of what he called "triggering." Triggering is where the tendon actually binds to the sleeve and gets stuck. Then it suddenly breaks over like the hammer on a gun. That's what happened that brought me to my knees.

Ah well, at least I have a name for it and I know how to fix it. Tomorrow I start working out again. Just have to be careful. *nod nod*

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Didn't get all plastered on Halloween. Instead I went over to a friend's house and watched cheesy horror movies with her and her family. Had a pretty good time. Got to talk a lot about guns and motorcycles. Had fun.

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I think I have come to a conclusion that I want to get a different motorcycle. I know, I know. I constantly rave about how I love my bike. I DO love that bike but it's not 100% perfect for me. I want something MORE comfortable. I'm leaning HEAVILY towards a true power cruiser such as a Yamaha Warrior or a Honda VTX or even possibly a Magna/Super Magna. Fact is that I'm not a blazing fast rider. I probably only use about 60% of my bike's capabilities. When I ride with others, they want me to push harder and faster. That's not why I ride.

I want to get MORE active in Patriot Guard rides. I want to go to Bike Weeks down by my mom. I really do want a nice cruiser that I can be all comfy on. If I could get one of the aforementioned bikes, I could still rail on it pretty good if I wanted to.

I'm trying to decide if I should try to trade it or sell it outright. I'm going to start looking around to see what's out there. If anyone knows anyone that wants a REALLY nice starter/intermediate bike, point em my way. The FZ6 is an INCREDIBLE platform. It really is a great bike, it's just not EXACTLY what I want and I can't keep more than one.

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In a fit of "I don't know what", I actually reactivated my WoW account. I think it was the fact that Winter usually drives me inside more often than not and I need something to occupy my "noisy brainmeats." Now, I COULD have just jumped on my old 70's and started poking old friends. Instead, I went completely new. Still on my old server of Elune but I made a little male Undead Warlock named "Happydead." So far, been having fun. It's fun to start over new and clean. No money. Not even logging the old toons in to get him money or bags. (I may eventually but not right now.) I have a spot reserved on Stormrage for a Worgen when they come out. *shrug* I may lose interest again in a month but for the time being, it seemed "right" and I'll run with that.

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Life just took a turn to "weird" with a few friend associations that I saw on Facebook. I'm actually truly weirded out by it. I'm keeping my eye on the whole thing.

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Things move along and I with them. Noting else really. I think I've said enough.

This should be interesting.

I'm actually STILL debating going out. Weather is crappy and I'm TRYING to save money. I may stay in. (Plus my wrist is really bothering me today.) Meh meh meh.

I bought Jack in case I stay in. Be afraid, VERY afraid.

I apologize in advance for any drunken texting. (Actually, if you get drunken text from me, it should be viewed as a sign of true love/friendship.) It could be scary as I DO own a Mexican Wrestling mask and can take pics. You've been warned.

Not much else.

I have Nutter Butters! (Always important to know.)

Well, today was interesting.

Met a new doctor and now have a Primary Care Physician for the first time in 8+ years. I got a seriously good vibe from this guy. He seemed intent on listening carefully to me. He observed my movements and actually listened to what I told him and he commended me on having the foresight to look into my own health. He was impressed, as were the nurses, that I knew my weight, height and blood pressure before stepping on any machine.

After some talking and discussion, he felt that I should DEFINITELY see a Orthopedic Doctor. He then began discussing options for Ortho Doctors and gave me recommendations. We discussed what they would PROBABLY tell me since he has a good idea himself.

This Doctor seems genuine. He reminds me of my old PCP whom I thought VERY highly of. He won't coddle me or lie to me. He understands that I am very cognizant of my own physical being. We briefly discussed family history and he said judging from my mental state and my physical state, I may have a pretty good leg up on my family's "genetic shortcomings." Still, I'm scheduling a full physical with him as I'd like to start a solid path on the proper care of myself. I should start factoring things in such as prostrate health, etc. *nod nod*

In the meantime, the Doctor agreed with me that the Feldene was a "band-aid" and not a fix. He stated that if I felt it wasn't helping anything, to stop taking it. He DID suggest I keep the brace just to keep from further injuring myself. Right now, there is a pretty nice bulge on my wrist. He thinks the tendon took a severe tear. Possibly even close to a total separation judging from how much pain I told him I was in when it happened. He said I still had great strength and that I was obviously strong but the size of the bulge concerned him. He said I should probably expect getting a shot at the Ortho and that would probably be it outside of letting it rest and heal properly. His thought is that the chance of surgery is very very low as it's only usually warranted for a full separation. *woot*

Amazingly enough, I came home and called the Ortho office. They had an appointment open for Monday morning at 7:45. SCORE! Looks like I'm good to go.

So, that moves right along. Got a lot done for a Friday.

Of course, Halloween this weekend. I've got so much going on though. I REALLY need to real in my spending. I may not go out much at all. I WANT to but I need to save. Holidays are upon us. Maybe I'll stay in and get some of this damn cleaning done I need to. *nod nod*

I think I'm going to sell my Grandfather clock. I'm so tired of looking at that damn thing and moving it around. Anyone know someone that wants a full sized, stand up, Seth Thomas clock with multiple chime settings? (It's a pretty pimp clock) LOL!

Anyway, I gotta motor. Too much to do to sit here.

Today, I have a Doctor appointment. The first one in, I dunno, 8+ years. I found a Family Practice that is close and didn't sound creepy. Most of the ones in my area, English is the second language and they really don't like Americans much. (Yes, I tried three of them so I do have a sound basis for this.) Appointment is at 2pm so we'll see how it goes. I get out of work a little early if nothing else. *sweet*

My pants felt TOO big this morning. Like even with the belt. Measurements haven't changed. May be something up in my head finally changing. I dunno. I'm weird. When I look down at myself, I feel out of shape. I feel that I look horrible. I feel unattractive. I glance over at the mirror and think, "Wow! I look pretty damn good!" See how my noisy brain works? Meh.

I'm hoping I can quit taking the Feldene today. I do not like. Still makes me feel all "wonky." I get home, sit down for a few and all my energy is GONE. My sex drive is GONE. DO...NOT....LIKE.

I had this crazy idea of selling practically everything I own and starting over. Movies, TV, games systems, everything except the car and the animals. (Yes, even the motorcycle.) It was/is a crazy idea but I need to seriously sit down and hash the whole thing out. There may be some good in there somewhere. Usually even my craziest idea has a little merit.

I'm gonna miss this weather. This has been perhaps the best motorcycle weather week all year. It's made me seriously happy. (Note to self, oil change for bike and car are now due. GET TO IT!)

I had a dream that I owned a Izh with a sidecar and was riding with some girl I couldn't make out her face and we were having GRAND adventures. Was a crazy fun dream from what I remember. The Izh was blue and I remember that becuase I wanted to paint it to look like an old military model.

I get to see my mom in less than a month. Can't wait. If everything goes well, I'm taking the bike down. ^_^ (I can hope!)

It's not what I wanted.
It still isn't what I wanted.

It's funny when you do things and you don't know why. Like even when you are ACTUALLY doing it and asking yourself, "Why the hell am I doing this?" I did one of those the other day.

I completely reinstalled and patched up WoW. I don't know why. Maybe I'm worried that I'll be bored in winter and won't have the bike to escape on so I reinstalled WoW to escape IN. HellifIknow. I just thought it was funny. I didn't reactivate my account or anything. I would most likely start COMPLETELY from scratch. (I gave everything away anyway.) Worgen WILL exist soon though.......hmmmmmm. ;)

Just funny. At least I thought so.

I'm actually playing Diablo II. I forgot how much fun it is to poke around in there. It's easy to just play for 30min and get out. (WoW fails there miserably.)

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I can't believe we're almost in November. Holy hell! What a year. It's been good and bad. Definitely kept my word and changed MUCH. I wish some of it had stuck. I wish I didn't have one of the epiphanies that I had. can't help it though. Life is what it is.

Do not like Feldene. Makes me feel like all my energy is just gone. Not tired per se, more lethargic. Makes it hard for me to think too for some weird reason. It also makes me crave food but not sure what type of food I am craving. Maybe it was just because of the shot, I dunno. Today is day 2 on Feldene and I'm keeping my eye on it. I've read all the precautions on the drug three times and I have a good friend that is a Pharmacist that I trust to go to if I need to.

In response to yesterday's events, I found a family practice doctor very close to the condo, comes very highly recommended by many reviews and has been in the area for 20+ years. I called and told them of the situation and that I need a primary care physician. We discussed a few things on the phone and they suggested that I keep on the Feldene for a week and call to make an appointment then. Then I can go in and they'll go over everything and then maybe I can get to the bottom of what REALLY is happening and get it fixed instead of throwing pills at it. (Maybe it requires pills, but Feldene is not a "fix" drug. It's a pain management. I want repairs, not complacency.)

I got my Power Trip US Army jacket yesterday. It's pretty nice! Good armor and I realy like the fit. It looks even better than I hoped. I'm not too crazy about the zippers but it's a small gripe overall considering I paid just at $100 total for it and it was originally a >$250 jacket. (Thanks Bandit Bucks!) I wore it this morning. =)

Yes, I rode the morning. I have my brace on now. I was a good boy. Riding doesn't hurt my wrist because I'm not on a "crotch rocket." FZ6's just rule. I can go fast, turn fast, stop fast and do it all day in comfort. (I'd still like to try a heavier cruiser out some day.)

Currently have a few people on my mind. I have a friend that I REALLY hope she gets all her stuff sorted out. She's quite incredible and a real friend even though I've never physically met her. If you read this, know that I am pulling for you. You ARE special. You deserve to be treated NOTHING LESS THAN THAT!

Gonna TRY to bring my Scorpion in to the dealer this weekend and see about getting it checked out or possibly replaced since the faceshield doesn't seal correctly. Still love the helmet. Just want one that works.

If you like Boston Market there is a coupon out right now that lasts until Nov, 1. You get a three piece dark or 1/4 white with mashed potatoes and cornbread for $1. Yes, $1. Not $1 OFF, $1 TOTAL. I tried it yesterday and it is INDEED valid. Guess who's eating at Boston Market until Nov 1? *dance*

Don't be despaired that I can't work out. I'm focusing on legs and cardio. The battle of the bulge continues. It'd be over if I didn't like FOOD so much. LOL! I'm never going to get a "six pack" again unless I got pick up some cider but I'm ok with that. I can out lift/run guys MUCH younger than me and I have incredible stamina. Blood pressure looked really good too. Hell, I got a high five when we discussed my past and all the changes I've made. I explained that the only thing keeping me from a better quality of life was me. I changed.

Not much else really. Brain is relatively quiet(ish). I'm still sorting through some stuff. I think it's more just coming to grips about some people is all. I have to constantly remind myself that people will do things without think of the repurcussions constantly. People are very "me" based. They don't care how they affect people around them. I find that to be a shame.

Ah well. Gotta run. Much to do. Felden taken. Let's see if I can make it through the day.

I have to wear this industrial strength wrist brace for three solid days. - DO NOT LIKE
I have to take a medication called Feldene which causes WONDERFUL things like internal bleeding, perforation of the stomach, etc for two weeks. - DO NOT LIKE
Got a shot in the hip of some steroid. Would have preferred a cortizone shot in the wrist. - DO NOT LIKE
Damn near impossible to type or function at work with this brace on. - DO NOT LIKE
Have no concrete answer on what the ACTUAL problem is. - REALLY DO NOT LIKE

I am not pleased with this day.
Motorcycle and lifting weights will be on hiatus for a little bit. Hell, it's hard to shift in the Miata.

Bah!

I apologize for the noise. I think I just snapped that tendon or the sheath COMPLETELY in my right wrist. It's iced right now but I can't fully flex my thumb or move my right hand in 2 directions. FRELLIN AWESOME!

Looks like tomorrow, I'll head to the "Doc-In-A-Box." Time I finally get this thing looked at.